Family secrets

Even coming from the most benign and loving of religious upbringings, I've had so much to unlearn.  Imagine growing up in an authoritarian,  patriarchal household that avoids outside influences.  Such households don't have to be religious, but the religion is another layer of oppressive authority that an escapee has to throw off.

Suppose you're a girl living in the strictest of environments, and say that environment is otherwise dysfunctional.  The family is suspicious of outside interference, and tries to handle its problems alone.  That's the Duggar family.

I read an article in Daily Kos today by a woman who grew up in a Duggar-like family, and who was similarly abused by her stepfather.  Fear of rocking the boat, and fear of the father's authority, keeps such families frozen in their miserable situation.  Add on the layer of a religious community that supports the status quo, and where can the victim go for help?

When this woman, on several occasions throughout the years, tried to expose her stepfather's abuses, she was first told to forgive him; her resultant psychological problems were blamed within her family and community on her inability to forgive.  And in the end, because she told the truth, she, the innocent party, suffered more shame and punishment than her abuser.  She is shunned by her family and former friends.

Religion, necessarily authoritarian in nature, tends to abet the authoritarian abuser.  Then, once the escapee understands the truth of her former situation, how long will it take for her to throw off the further burden of the judgment of a tyrannical God?